dream life

a camera. a happy dress. a long windy bus ride. a notebook. a cup of coffe. and a smile.

Sunset has never been this beautiful, i grasp every bit of the moment and close my eyes and wish i could stay there forever , gazing beauty at its perfection. I open my eyes and feel the cool warm breeze brush my cheeks and give me the chills that i will never feel again in my short lifetime. i immortalize each second by capturing it with a camera. And as time pass me by, i write my thoughts on my brown notebook. I feel happy with my happy dress, i feel satisfied. I travel the world , and feed my eyes with its beauty.

A dream life. That’s how i call it, that’s how i wanted it to be. A simple , happy and satisfying life. A life full of colors, smiles, and warmth. Its so easy to wish it was all true, it so easy to let your mind imagine these things, but its so hard to achieve. I never asked for something more than this, i dont need expensive things, and i dont need everything the world offers. I just want peace on a monday afternoon, a smile on a tuesday morning, joy on a wednesday night, love over a thursday lunch, and sleep on a friday night. And the weekends may stand still. that’s all i wanted, life at its simplest form. 

But life is not easy, its unfair, you could always fight but somehow life would always find a way to beat you, and you get up and lose, get up and lose, get up and still lose. But at the very end i believe that you could beat it, you could let go but you’ll win. And i wonder how long i would have to wait to win, i wonder how many faces i will see before i win, i wonder how many sleepless hours must pass before Life could finally be fair to me. 

And yes, LIFE is UNFAIR, it is unfair to your mother, father, brother, sister and friends. And life is unfair to me. And there are moments in my life , when i get so tired of fighting back, i am tired of running faster, i am tired of living the way i am living. And when exhaustion consumes me, i wish i could have another life, a brand new one, and this life would end without completion, cause i dare try to go around in circles.

Life for me is wonderful. Yes despite the fact that it is hard, still its wonderful.

Life is something we should take care of. Because no matter how hard you ask for another life, in another place, with another set of people, YOU JUST WONT GET IT. Because you only have one life, and many challenges to overcome. But sometimes when you are down, it feels so good to quit, it feels like its the right thing to do, to QUIT. And all my life i quit on many trials, and after quitting i felt bad, because after all its not the right thing to do.

I could search for everything, i could achieve my dream life, i could get it someday. But emptiness would still eat me. Torturing me, because all i wanted wont complete me. And JESUS would complete me. And i left Jesus, i turned my back, i thought i could survive, but i couldn’t. I dont have life without Him.

And now my life is so far away from how i wanted it to be. I am living a dry life.  an empty life.