thoughts now

i m not a person who easily shares my deeper side to anyone, even to my closest friends. So when i blog, it feels like someone knows what im going through, what im feeling, who i am, and who i am not. I dont share my deeper side, because i dont want anyone to go ahead and just talk and talk and speak comforting words, because to be honest i dont get comforted by that. I use to want that, i use to look for those words, i used to need that, but i never heard those really comforting words from anyone and now im just used to not hearing that, and i dont want it anymore...

Another reason is, that when you talk to people they tend to comment and sometimes hurt you, im not saying that im against all sorts of communication and socialization with humans, i enjoy talking. But i dont enjoy sharing that serious side. So if i share it to someone, he/she must be very close to my heart.. I somehow want my life to be so personal, i seldom let anyone close to my heart, im afraid of hurting. But then all of us must go through that process, HURTING, and after that we can start HEALING, and i say this because i understand it.

Some time ago in school, it was a very dry afternoon ( when i said dry i meant emotionally dry). And my friends are gonna go out after classes but for some reason, i dont want to be with them, i want to isolate myself, but i ended up staying inside the room with some classmates im not really close with, and we were in a circle and i was supposed to sing and play the guitar, i was about to sing the song i composed. But that song, was made out of sadness i felt for not finding love here on earth, sadness because people's love is constantly changing,but i found  love in JESUS. Somehow though that song has a happy ending, before i was able to finish the first verse, i just broke down, and cried. I cried in front of some people that were strangers to my heart, i let out myself in front of them, i showed my weakness yet my strength too. i told them about how people hurt me, and how i wanted to heal, and that afternoon was the best afternoon ever.After all its good to let yourself out to humans once in awhile, because i use to just write myself out, sing my self oout.

and now its weird for me to see how awkward the way i pertain to "humans" as if im not one of them, trust me i am one.


oh that was long!
trisha