I WANT TO BE SUPERMAN

OH how much i long to sleep all day long. Its been so crazy, everything's exhausting when it comes to school, i will be having periodical test on analytical geometry in 2 and a half hours, and here i am writing myself out. I should be preparing to go to school by now, but i felt the sudden need to let out my thoughts. Because at school, i can only find two distant persons from my heart that would really listen when i talk about all my nonsense, joy, fantasies, song, and everything under my sun, its ANGELA AND PIA, hooray! But its sad to think that i cant talk to my "friends" the way i talk to angela and pia, to make it clear i am not close to angela and pia, but its just that they are willing to listen all the time.

I figured out that i dont want to be superman, because i already am, i am someone super. I AM SUPER TRISH!
what ever! i need to end this now, i need to go get a shower. awwww :(

THIS TIME, i WONT PRETEND.

Dear you,

Do you even have the slightest idea how much i miss what used to be us? Because everyday i see you, i see you throwing smiles and im not the one who's supposed to catch it , before it used to be me. I spent every bit of my junior life with you,even thought about how bad it would be if we wont go to college together. I wrote down songs for you, you didn't even know. But don't get the wrong idea, i dont miss you. I suggest that you must not miss me too, for it will be too hard for me, it will be just difficult to cope up. i thought i knew you as much as you knew me. 

photos of ME

im just FAT! FAT! FAT! everyone's FAT!

ITS NOT RIGHT!

these photos were taken on the same day, last sunday. I just posted this for the sake of trying to smash my boredom into pieces.

OKAY. im completely not making any sense, better stop this craziness. I"LL JUST ENJOY LIFE, BECAUSE IT IS SO SO SO WONDERFUL. 

LOVE, trish.

TIME will heal and TIME will mend

Its been so long since i posted my thoughts here, well, this morning i didn't go to school, i'll be showing up later in the afternoon, all because of some personal stuff , and i have cough and colds. yeah. Im actually wrapped around a towel while typing. So the title of this post have nothing to do, or is not guilty of what im gonna talk about. If you notice i wasn't able to keep up with the 30 day letter challenge, i've been so busy at school, im barely breathing. Im in school for twelve long boring hours, enduring everything! I actually thought that this kind of strategy wont work for teenagers like me, if the head of our school would only realize, that our brain gets slower and slower, and wont function better in whatever we're doing!

NUMB

For the past few days i feel so numb, and i also did alot of things that doesn't please God. There was a time when i was hurting, but i liked it, i liked the pain and it felt like i want it to stay. I m afraid i m heading to somewhere scary but its good that i shared it with some of my Christian friends and they told sometimes they can feel that way too. And somehow it was an assurance that im not alone, that everybody can go through these or should i say everybody must go through these.

Oh well i use to be so funny when i post in blogs but now i just need to be serious because that's what im going through, i can't pretend and i wont. its 4:17 am and im at my church friend's house, it was her bday and we planned a sleepover, but all of them are asleep while im still here tryin to get myself out. i always blogged because it feels good to let it out to the whole world. And yeah, i think soon im gonna fall in once again.

love.
trish

thoughts now

i m not a person who easily shares my deeper side to anyone, even to my closest friends. So when i blog, it feels like someone knows what im going through, what im feeling, who i am, and who i am not. I dont share my deeper side, because i dont want anyone to go ahead and just talk and talk and speak comforting words, because to be honest i dont get comforted by that. I use to want that, i use to look for those words, i used to need that, but i never heard those really comforting words from anyone and now im just used to not hearing that, and i dont want it anymore...

Another reason is, that when you talk to people they tend to comment and sometimes hurt you, im not saying that im against all sorts of communication and socialization with humans, i enjoy talking. But i dont enjoy sharing that serious side. So if i share it to someone, he/she must be very close to my heart.. I somehow want my life to be so personal, i seldom let anyone close to my heart, im afraid of hurting. But then all of us must go through that process, HURTING, and after that we can start HEALING, and i say this because i understand it.

Some time ago in school, it was a very dry afternoon ( when i said dry i meant emotionally dry). And my friends are gonna go out after classes but for some reason, i dont want to be with them, i want to isolate myself, but i ended up staying inside the room with some classmates im not really close with, and we were in a circle and i was supposed to sing and play the guitar, i was about to sing the song i composed. But that song, was made out of sadness i felt for not finding love here on earth, sadness because people's love is constantly changing,but i found  love in JESUS. Somehow though that song has a happy ending, before i was able to finish the first verse, i just broke down, and cried. I cried in front of some people that were strangers to my heart, i let out myself in front of them, i showed my weakness yet my strength too. i told them about how people hurt me, and how i wanted to heal, and that afternoon was the best afternoon ever.After all its good to let yourself out to humans once in awhile, because i use to just write myself out, sing my self oout.

and now its weird for me to see how awkward the way i pertain to "humans" as if im not one of them, trust me i am one.


oh that was long!
trisha