I knew it was wrong

Have you ever been in a situation when you're about to commit sin and you know you could say no and do the right thing, but you gave in?
Well,probably, you've been in that situation, and i've been in that place for so many times, so many times! And its wrong, i know , without a doubt that it is wrong, but i tried to convince myself that once in a while could be okay, but i didn't realize that my "once in a whiles" are piling up. And its not even right for me to say that once in a while is okay, im a christian and i should be protecting my heart from things that will destroy me, but i have to admit sometimes i let my guards down, and here i am feeling so bad, regretting what i have done, hoping i would find Him and He would find me. Im sorry, but my words are not enough, i could easily break my "sorries" i could  be swayed by the world's wind, i could give in to the world and say " yeah its okay". I could do that, i could fall, i could sin all over and over again. And with this in mind i should be aware of my weakness, i should start guarding my heart. Sometimes us people say sorry but without repentance, and i did that alot of times, i wonder why i keep on falling out? maybe because i never did repent with all of my heart. OR maybe i thought i gave all of me to God but unconsciously i have given parts of my heart to the things of the world.

For the past few days, God has been showing me things , great things. And i knew that before i could take a step i should set my heart on God alone, i should live with the desire to please Him, i should be ready for everything He will ask me to do, but i wont have the strength if there's something going on wrong with my spiritual life, if something's going wrong with my relationship with God.

I have asked for forgiveness many times, and sometimes it made me feel like i have done so many bad things and God just ran away from me, but i was wrong i am the one who's been running away, because i confused my directions, i have placed myself in the grey area when i should have placed myself in the white area. I could have decided what road to take, but i chose to dance between the two roads, and whenever i sin i would feel so bad, and after saying sorry, i could just do it again.

By now, i should set things straight with my life, i have to choose. I want to live a righteous life, but sometimes its just hard to. I must prepare my heart, i must ask for cleansing and do the right thing.